Why my husband doesnt love me?

I have been married for 14 yesrs. My husband doesnt travel with me. he goes to paries by himself fishing and hunting trips. I recently found out that he cheated on me when I was pregnant with our secon child, a month before I was due. We moved i thought things would get better he doesnt seem like he wants to pay attention to me. i met someone where I worked. i had sexual relationship with him ended up getting pregnaint. My husband was still with me through that. We kinda seperated I was with my babies father for awhile I ended up getting pregnant again. My hisband was with me through that. I know I have made alot of mistakes. but I blame my husband for ignoreing me I only wanted his love and he out of all these years would never give it to me. i cheated!!!! i just wanted to know if I was even found attracted to someone. My husband told me he would change he hasnt still ignores me. I do believe that he is with me for the two kids that we have together. I did find out that he is on a dateig web site 3 actially tells the women he is in a divorce I ask him about it and he says that not true. I am at the end of my rope the guy I thought I knew doest exist anymore. I need to know what I should do... I cant get a job daycare is a fortune for 4 kids. I want happiness in my my life. I am afraid to aks anyone for money that isnt me I am very indepedant or atleast I thought I was either way I wont ask for money. I am lost please dont judge me for what I have done. just help me make the right choice..